ashley83nicole

I would like everyone to go down this list and pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.

logical or intuitive
social or loner
chocolate or vanilla
cute or sophisticated
kitten or puppy
warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
leader or follower
quiet or talkative
spontaneous or planned

I know it's Papa Roach... but OMG... I <3 this song

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

First off, I want to wish everyone a wonderful new years experience that hopefully comes without a hangover in the morning! Everyone be safe, and make sure it's a memorable time

Secondly, I want to give my personal view of the year.
2004 was a HUGE year for me. 2003 was such a wild year, and 2004 was a good year to bring all of that to an end. I started 2004 on a very negative note. I was tired, broken, and worn before it even began, and I definitely started the year on a sour note. However, my attitude quickly changed in Mid-January and February when I was BLESSED to have the chance to go to UK for surgery. I know that before that experience, and even during it, I wasn't the best of people to be around. I hope that none of you take my attitudes or actions during that time to heart, and I'm not one for excuses, but there were extenuating circumstances, and I hope that you understand. After that experience, and even some during it, I was lucky enough to find Andy, and not only have a great boyfriend, but also a good friend. He's not the only person I've had this year- for all of you that stood by my side during this time in my life, I want to thank you for that. After months of feeling SO bad and down in the dumps, it was great to have you all around to let me know that I DID have a good group of friends to fall back on- that means more than you will ever know. Other than that, the year was just an experience of complete total personal growth. I have learned a lot about life, people, and myself. I feel that I am a better person now, and I want to thank you all for being part of this growth.

Thirdly, I want to thank certain people (In no distinct order)

FGC: I want to thank you all for your support. There were times this year when a smile was hard to come by, and you all were definitely a great help in brightening many days! I know some of you missed the votemobile's maiden voyage, but you were all there in spirit, and hopefully in the coming year, we will be lucky enough to spend more time together! I LOVE YOU ALL (more than I weigh :D)

4th FLOOR GIRLIES: It's really hard for me to live on that floor without a lot of you there, but somehow I manage... in my room... alone :( ! Anyhow, I'm so glad to still have so many of you in my life. We DEFINITELY had some great times on that floor, and I'm sure we still have many great times to come as friends! Ohh how I miss the pitter patter of midget feet, and the amount of cow print that surrounded me two years ago!! At least I still have Megan's tigger and Tracy's insane decorations to keep it somewhat normal! LOVE YOU GUYS!

777y 5i551e: Another year, more craziness! I love you girlie, and I hope you know that- even if you are away from me you crazy red headed biatch! Thank you so much for reintroducing me to Huntington. I will miss our nights creating purses and posters... I guess we'll have that again next election season! I love you my sissle! I'm so proud of you and your B dot A dot!!!

Niki: I love you so big! You don't know how proud you make me, or how much I love you, but I promise you that it's more than you hate the dentist! I know this hasn't been the easiest year for you either, but you've come through with flying colors, and I'm sure that it won't be long until you're back in Huntington with me, but at least we have the weekends! I love you oodles :)

JMa: I know you've had a rough time this year, but I know all will work itself out sooner or later. We haven't spent a lot of time together this year, but I hope you know that I'm here for ya when and if you should ever need someone to listen to. Never forget the visit from the captain at work. ANytime homie! I <3 ya

I really can't believe that Christmas is already over! It all came and went so fast that it's insane. Anyhow, I had fun, and got to spend time with family- which is awesome b/c I don't get to spend time with them enough. Opened a lot of presents, shared a lot of laughs, gave a lot of hugs, and ate a lot of wonderful food.

On to a more depressing (I don't think that's the exact word I'm looking for) note:

I've done a lot of talking about school lately; it seems the number one question I've been fielding has been, "How's it feel to have another semester under your belt?" To tell you the honest truth, it feels great. Not only for the fact that I accomplished something that I was extremely unsure of, but also of the fact that I accomplished a goal that I set for myself. I've really cracked down on myself a lot with school, and I do believe that it shows. Next semester will hopefully see the trend return!

It's really weird for me to look back on people that I spent an extended amount of time with my freshman year. There are so many people that I know deep down are wonderful people, but they just no longer jive with me. I don't want to sound like I'm making myself exclusive *there ARE people I knew before college, and during my freshman year that I still hang out with and love and keep in close contact with* but there are some people that I've come to realize that no matter how great of people they are, they just aren't on the same frequency as I am. I can think of one person in particular that I absolutely love to death, but I'm really worried about. It's one of those people that can make it, can accomplish it, and can do anything they set their mind to- but they don't. I worry about this person, and I think about them often, but at the same time- being around something like that scares me. I know I have will power, and I've learned from my previous mistakes, but at the same time, I feel tempted to do things I shouldn't, and I don't like that. I can stand up against those things, which I do, but it just makes the relationship more strained. I guess what I'm trying to say is what my Dad always told me, "You can love someone for whom they are, but not what they do." With that said, I really find myself at a crossroads. I don't want to give up on that person, but then again- you can't help someone if they don't realize they need help, and want help. That may be horrible of me to say, and to that person, their life may be wonderful. To me, it's scary- especially when I know they're capable of so much more. What I'm trying to say is that I love this person, but I'm at a loss for words. I just wish you could understand where I'm coming from...

Well, I opened Andy's presents today...and OMG. He got me a Plug And Play Atari thing which absofuckinlutely rocks my socks off.... he even told me before I got outta the car that he hopes I don't get stuck on it, and stop callin him haha... The OTHER thing I got from him... ::JAW DROPPER:: is a 1/4 ct. 10k gold bracelet ::screams:: It's BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE IT!!! AHHHH
Merry Christmas to you all!!!!
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I first want to thank you all for your comments and support about Dad... it seems like he has his good times and his bad right now, and it really sucks to see him hurting, but I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run. (I actually think his meanness is seeping out.... at least that's what he always tells me when I'm hurt!)

Anyhow... I hope all is going well for all of you... Things here are goin swell. I went to work with Mom the past two days, and it's been really great to be around the kids- they're SO excited! It's also been really good to spend some time with my Momma. I'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of the family on Saturday, and spending time with everyone.. Afterall, without them, I dono where I'd be!

On yet another note, I would also like to tell you all that my brother and sister in law stopped by the house last night to drop off Dad's Christmas present, and Jenn made yet another **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

Ok. Take a breath, and read this slowly. Re-read it after your first read through, and then do a little dance for me haha!1

THEY ARE NOW BACK ON THE PILL! NO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!



******OH YEAH! FGC GIRLS! I DONO ABOUT YOU, BUT I NEED A MEETINGGGGGG!! CALL MEEEEE OR IM MEEEE PLEASEEEEE********

YAY!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and THE HAPPIEST OF NEW YEARS!!!!

Well, to bring yall up to speed, my dad (a letter carrier for USPS) was delivering mail last week, and slipped on some ice and fell. We took him to the ER, and they did Xrays and everything, and told him that they felt everything was fine, that he just had deep bruising, and that they would let him go home, but they would call if anything showed up on the Xrays. WELL, that was Tuesday. He was supposed to go back to work on Monday (Yesterday), so Saturday rolled around, and he decided that he would piddle around kinda lightly in order to get himself accustomed to working again- just some bruising, right? So he and my brother piddled... ALL DAY Saturday... Saturday night rolled around, and he could barely breathe and he was in a lot of pain... he thought seriously about the ER, but decided to wait it out and see. So Monday morning, Mom calls our regular physician's office, and makes an appointment, and she and Dad go. Turns out that Dad's "bruised back and ribs" weren't really accurate. My Dad has a FRACTURED SPINE AND RIB, and Thomas hospital DID NOT CALL! jlkdshfkjsahfdkljhdsaflkjyweiuryksauhfdlkjhdsalkfuyiwueyhrlkasjhfd;ksadjfyiusahlkejhasfdliuylksahdfk;jsahfd

I don't even know what else to say about that. It just makes me SO angry...ldkfhsalkjhfoiuweyf;laskdfjoai4euraosidhf;lksfdhgkjhadskvlj naskfyaiuer

::sigh:: I have to get up at 630AM, and it's 123AM... maybe I should go to bed and try not to think about it.

Well, I hope everyone's break is going great... mine's pretty decent.. just relazing which is nice after a long semester! I guess I should get down to the root of this entry.

John (my brother) and Jenn (his wife) were over here yesterday... so I came down to the living room, and on the table are stacks of pregnancy books. Did you read that? Read it again. Yes, I said pregnancy books. So I look at John: "Um... am I missing something?" Jenn's quick retort of "Not yet!"

Did you read that?
READ IT AGAIN.

This is followed by "We might as well let you guys know that we are no longer practicing birth controll. There- it's out in the open."

AOISDH*(&$#@)(*&$#)(*&#(*$&U PAOEIDJHC DLKAHF P(*&@$()*&R#IUHDOI&(*@&$

DID YOU READ THIS ENTRY?!?!
READ IT AGAIN!!!!!

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Well, it's definitely nice to be back in town. Kinda weird though. I feel really out of place right now because I'm used to being on the run and so busy, but I'm not. Friday night I actually sat down and thought about what all I needed to do... but there was nothing. Lol.. yea- I'm a geek.

ANYHOW- Finals weren't too bad... Trig sucked- surprise surprise- but you'll have that. I get my grades tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. I'm thinking 3.4-3.8... hopefully the latter of the two.

Still haven't gotten my schedule worked out for next semester... guess I just need to keep trying :( Stupid Marshall!

I guess that's it...

My brain is fried, so you're getiing some randomness in this entry

18 Things Guys Should Know... (by Girls)
1. We fart. And we think it's fucking hilarious

2. Girls poop. sorry boys. i know in your world we don't, but we're not the perfect little girls you want us to be

3. We can burp with the best of you. We just choose to keep it between us.

4. We probably masturbate more than you.

5. We love touching eachother's boobs just for the hell of it. It's funny.

6. Kissing eachother isn't a big deal. It's kind of nice.

7. We don't always like to give head, so when you get it, don't put your hands on the back of our heads and hold down. We hate that.

8. Sometimes we go a couple of weeks without shaving...anything.

9. It's fun to skip sex, since most times we fake it anyway. Be a man and go down.

10. Watching porn doesn't really do it. reading it is what gets us hot.

11. We think lesbian porn is funny.

12. That whole head shaking thing when you go down on us? What the fuck is that? don't do it. you're just wasting your time .. and ours.

13. The fingers don't always have to go in. Stay on the outside a bit. Trust me, it's better.

14. Not all girls are crazy about gifts. Just being with you is awesome.

15. We like hanging out with the guys. Girls suck.

16. Right, the reason we hate eachother so much? GIRLS ARE BITCHES.

17. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER ask us if we are pmsing just because we seem to be in a bad mood. It's not the greatest idea.

18. Suck it up, we're really horny during our periods .. hop in the shower, because you'll never get it as much as then.







COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THAT AND STOLEN FROM MELISSA D (the greatest across the hall floormate anyone could ever ask for) WHO STOLE IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Today we salute you stressed out college student during exam week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & adderol, you think to yourself, am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. Christmas break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us christmas will be spent in rehab.

One final down, one paper turned in... now I only have 3 finals left, thank goodness! I've been studying for trig most of today off and on, and I'll have all day tomorrow too... It isn't as bad as I was expecting, but we'll see once the test is in front of me. I don't know what it is about that man and his tests, but I get test anxiety like no other. I love him and I'm impartial about the class, but goodness.. I dono what it is.. Either way, most of the stuff from the beginning of the book is stuff that is a piece of cake... hopefully the final will be easier than I'm thinkin it will be- we'll see..

Other than that final (which is Tuesday if I haven't already mentioned that) I have two finals on Thursday which shouldn't be too terribly hard. Art and CI350. I'm just ready to go home :) Thursdayyyyy can't come soon enoughhhh!

Yeah, I'm whiney- but I'm glad to be back. I've worked really hard this semester, so hopefully it shows. I'm thinking I'll have a 3.6-3.8... hopefully the latter of the two, but who knows!

That's really all my life has consisted of here lately. Studying studying and oh yea... more studying. I may sound like an old bitty when I say this, but I really can't believe some of the people that live on my floor. I don't understand how you can go out every night of the week, including finals and dead week, and then do well in school. More power to ya if you can, but I definitely can't. It's finally come to a point with me that I realize what I want to do, and what goals I want to accomplish in the rest of my collegiate career, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything stop me from achieving those goals. God forbid something should happen again like it did last year, but even if that happens, I'll get through it. I always seem to.

Christmas is in less than 3 weeks! EEP! Still have some shopping to do, but that's alright... I enjoy it, and I'll have Niki to drag along with me after this Thursday muahahahaha.

Mandy's moving away after this week too :( It'll be sad not having her around, but I guess I'll have her when I go home on weekends :)

I know this has been quite an eclectic array of thoughts, but my brain is almost fried, and that's just how it came out.

For those of you taking/preparing for finals, I wish you the best of luck :)

You scored as Strawberry Shortcake. Don't stand for that new version crap. If you go shortcake, go shortcake all the way. . . </td> Strawberry Shortcake 58% Shera 33% Voltron 33% Smurf 25% Thundercats 8% Heman 0% Transformers 0% Which 1980's Cartoon Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

university of kentucky is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

From my sister in law whom is ALSO online. How fuckin gay.

"i just wanted to let you know that when john and i are discussing "bastard" children, we never say it is the childs fault. as far as your dad goes, i truly forget about him being born out of wedlock because i know his grandparents were his parents and that they were good to him. furthermore, i would never put your father down for that. it was not his fault and completely out of his control. just because a child is born out of wedlock, that does not make the child any less of a person. i know how horrible kids and adults alike can be when teasing a "bastard" thats all the more reason john and i are so adamant about parents not doing that to a child. if a person knows how cruel people can be...then why would they give their child that name and that cross to bear? seems to me that if you care, you would never label your child that way. i also feel that if our discussion bothered you, you could have simply said " dads reallly sensitive about that word" it would have been that easy. the conversation would have ended. no hard feelings. there was no need for you to get all crappy. especially since it was a holiday. for that reason, nobody was crappy with you in response. it wasnt worth making a scene. i just really dont think you should jump anyones case when you assume you know how they feel. you didn't. you were wrong. "


So I emailed her back. Aren't I sweet? I can be a kid too!

"I didn't get all "crappy." I am offended by that word not only because of my father, and just use of the word in general. This is my household, and even if it weren't, if I'm not comfortable with something being said in conversation, I'm going to let someone know. You can call me wrong all you want, but you used that word in that context, and I let you know that I do not agree with it, nor do other people that were at my house. You can point your finger and put me in the wrong all you want, and I may be- that's fine. BUT I stand by what I said, and my view on the situation. I don't see how you think things got "crappy." No one knew what happened other than us until you made a comment to my mother that I was unhappy with you. It was between US. I had other things to do, so I left to do other things. I didn't hurt any holiday- I didn't ruin anyone's time. That's all your view, and I'm sorry you think of it that way. As for that, this is over."



I just realized something else. Why does she talk in "we" as her and JOhn? The conversation was between her and I. John just happened to be there.

I want to begin this entry by saying that I hope everyone had a wonderful day today! I truly love this holiday ( And no, it's not just because I'm fat and like to eat! ) With that said, I suppose I shall move to the real need to write tonight...

My sister in law is too much for me to handle sometimes. It's starting to get worse again, and I'm really afraid that I'm going to blow up sometime soon if I don't get this out somehow. I guess that it all started around my birthday.. We all got together (the WHOOOOOLE family) because my cousin and her husband and children were in from California. We all had breakfast like we do on Christmas b/c they're spending theirs in CA this year... Anyhow... Jenn's true colors started to come out yet again... I guess you can only hide whom you truly are for so long.

It's little things mainly. Following me around picking lint off of my shirt. Jumping up and doing things when someone else has been asked to do it, and is already doing it. Blowing things WAY out of proportion for attention. Bringing personal things between her and John out in front of everyone. I could really keep going, but I won't...

So anyhow, today we ate dinner, and during the time that she was here before dinner, she had already gotten on my nerves. She just says and does things for attention.. I dono... bahhh! Anyhow.. after we ate, she and John and I came downstairs.. I was on the computer, and she was on the couch with John. She started talking about how her sister is engaged. She'd made comments before about how she thought Melissa was pregnant, so I asked when/if the baby was due, and she started going on about how Melissa was trying to have a baby, but didn't plan on getting married for at least two years... She went on to say that she called Melissa's Dad, and told him what his daughter was doing (this girl is 19 years old... IE- she is an adult.) I just told Jenn that Melissa was an adult, and she could live her own life, and that getting tore up about it and starting stuff would make things worse... so she goes on talking about the bastard she was going to have... and I lost it.

I personally, as well as my father in particular, take serious offense to this word. I stopped what I was doing, I turned around and looked at her, and said "Jenn.. before you go any further with that word and your comments, remember my father, and what he's gone through." and I turned back around, so she kept on, and JOhn said something to her, and she made a comment about just figuring out what I said. So she goes on to say that she wasn't calling the baby a bastard. Um.. HELLO! SHE JUST SAID : I'm not gonna support her and a bastard. I just turned back around and said That's offensive to me, and this is my house. Please think about what you're saying and the people it is affecting. Just because a baby is born out of wedlock doesn't mean it's the baby's fault. Take your anger to Melissa. Not the baby.

Am I crazy or overreacting here? BAH!

To make matters worse, I left and went to Andy's... and I think she's already talked to my Mom about it, so I'm sure Mom will ask about it tomorrow. bluh.

Some people really piss me off.

Strong opening statement. Strong argument.

FYI- I don't mind people bustin me out on stuff if I'm being a punk.

BUT

If you are going to bust me out- make sure you know wtf you're talking about.

I just want to thank every single one of my friends and family that helped make this birthday wonderful

I love you all

I just had the most insane dream...

I was at Nitro High observing for school, and I couldn't believe how horrible things had gotten, so I left and met my Mom on Park Ave so we could look at houses for me. When we were there, I fell down the stairs and landed in the basement... it was full of soil and plants... When I got up and dusted myself off, my Mom dissappeared, so I got in my car and came back down here... but my car broke down, so Niki came and got me... well, we took this way home that was really rough and winding, but she kept assuring me that this was the way we went home... The next thing I know, we're back at that house again, and she's pulling out alla the stuff she'd just bought before she picked me up, and I'm showing her the house... Well, this man and a little girl and a woman come in because they're looking at the house too... It's immediately evident that I have a connection with this man... the woman (his ex) still lives with him and their daughter, and they have another younger child, so they need a bigger house, but I , of course, don't know that this woman is his ex. My boyfriend proposes to me, and we go to vegas to get married. Once we get there, I realize that the man, now my friend, is there for the wedding... I know in my heart that I love this man and his children, but he's married, and I'm about to be married... So I walk towards the altar amongst this huge crowd of people, and I see the man's ex as she's running through the crowd waving a marriage lisence she's about to have my friend sign before they marry... I turn and run to him because I love him, and she's trying to beat me and is screaming that he's hers... the fight then turns to keep me away from him... I keep runnings, and she trips, falls and dies right before he confesses his love for me and is fatally struck by a car... I run and run and run, and am so amazingly distraught... I look at his daughter one last time, and intentionally throw myself down a flight of stairs in front of the beach... slowly, before I die, my aunt comes up to me and whispers baby it's okay... Love is meant for everyone, but some of us never find it. I saw you, and I saw him- you loved each other. You're lucky



Needless to say, I woke up crying my eyes out :(

I've spent a lot of time today writing a paper.. haha... 6 pages in 3 hours doesn't sound bad to me... I'm tired though... ready for a nice filling dinner, and a nap :D Just a few more days til my birthday, and it seems like this bday is a week long instead of a day long. Niki brought over my presents and spent some time with me Friday... I miss her oodles! That was fun though... she and I always have fun >:D Yesterday evening I came back to campus, and my whole door and wall are decorated (Thanks to Miss Tracy Rupel), so that was a wonderful surprise. I don't think the fact that I'll be 21 hit me with full force until I looked up to see a bunch of red balloons taped to a wall spelling out 21... lol I also got a bday card from my fellow November Birthday-ian Megan which was awesome too... Thank you guys for making this such a special time for me! I've needed a pick me up :) Thank you all again